I ordinarily don't post lyrics to songs but this one has had special meaning to me this year and stays stuck in my head. I guess I'm mostly posting it for myself but you are welcome to listen to it... Maybe you'll like it.

EDIT: I feel I should explain why this song has meaning to me... At times I have felt like I needed to be the strong one. Of course it goes with both sides, but this song reminds me of the times when I was feeling weak but needed to be strong and it felt a little like giving a shoulder made like a house of cards. I wondered if I lost it, would there be anyone there that would be able to hold my burden for a day? My Lady and I are both shouldering a bit of pain from the past and working on healing and sometimes we both need a strong shoulder at the same as needing to be the strong one. Neither of us have had an actively strong support besides each other. So far we've been able to pull through some pretty tough stuff. May we continue to shed our burdens and build the strength we need to carry ourselves and each other through the future.

Broken sticks and broken stones
Will turn to dust just like our bones
It's words that hurt the most now isn't it
Are you sad inside, are you home alone
If I could just pick up the phone
Maybe you could see a better day
And you won't waste away
under my watchful eye
Because I'm your hero and you're my weakness

Who's gonna break my fall
When the spinning starts
The colors bleed together and fade
Was it ever there at all
Or have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today

I'm broken down, not good enough
The broken promises add up
To twice their weight in tears which I have caused

I'm afraid to sink, I'm afraid to swim
I'm sad to say I miss my friends
I know that I'm supposed to step away

But they need me to stay and keep a watchful eye
On all my heroes and all their demons

But who's gonna break my fall
When the spinning starts
The colors bleed together and fade
Was it ever there at all
Or have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again
Not today
Not today

Was it ever there at all
And have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today

Broken sticks and broken stones
Will turn to dust just like our bones again today
I'm broken down
Not good enough
The broken promises add up again today

Was it ever there at all
And have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today
Again today

Rosetta Stone spanish lessons.

Yes eventually... I think it is totally conceited to think that we have already invented every possible tool to measure things with. So no, not at this time.

Well since it never specified I'm going to say my gf so we can both still benefit from it. Haha!

One challenge I face is having the job I really want, which is teaching adults... perhaps microbiology, but it doesn't really matter to me. I just love teaching. My obstacles right now are that I need to live here a year before I can establish residency and figuring how to pay for school and work enough to pay bills while dealing with the stress of school. What I am doing about it is just trying to hang on to my job and make it a year here so I can get going on a degree.

Actually I did convert. I was born and raised Lutheran. I was baptized as a baby and completed comfirmation at age 12. I was a Sunday school teacher later in my teen years and helped build and start a new church. By the time I was 18 I was starting to really question things. I had an issue with it being completely male dominated except the one woman who was impregnated against her will and then never mentioned again except one day a year and it's still not even really about her.

I was in church one day and honed in on the pastor saying things along the lines of humans being pathetic pieces of shit that are lucky to have our loving and merciful god allow us to live without making us suffer an eternity in a fiery abyss because of something some other person did that I've never met. What a crock of shit.

I started doing research on different Christian religions and became increasingly dissatisfied about it all. It took me a long time to figure out that it wasn't my religion that bothered me so much. It was patriarchy. I was born a feminist. I bow to no man, invisible or mortal.

I started studying mysticism during my teens and at age 19 found a book about witches that looked pretty benign on the cover. I had avoided that and Satanism before that because I wasn't interested in anything "evil". My ignorance was so much and I never realized it. When I read this book it was like they read my mind and put it in paper. I have considered myself pagan ever since... now for 20 years. It makes more sense to me and it amuses me to hear bible thumpers laugh about the ridiculousness of me practicing magick while they think it makes sense that the world was created in 6 days and all of us came from 2 people who were created from mud and a bone. Not to mention countless other "miracles".

After my "conversion" or what I consider deprogramming, my mother commented on how much better of a person I had become. She doesn't like to hear that it was after I got away from Christianity and spent a substantial amount of time in therapy. She chalks it up to me growing older. If only age would be enough to make people grow up.

Between the time I took my test until today, I have done a lot of reflecting, a lot of talking to coworkers and making a few changes. I wrote Bucket List as my title, not because I was going to post one but because I just watched the movie. A few days ago I had a talk with my guides. I guess you could call it praying though I don't much like the term. It sounds too Christian to me and I'm not, but basically it's what I did. I told them I really need to feel them around me and asked them to let me know that they are still with me and aren't going to abandon me, that things are going to be okay.

A good friend of mine has had a pretty hard time of it and she told me she wanted to go to Europe or something like it that would be good for the soul. Live it up, so to speak. When I watched the Bucket List it basically was the same concept. "They" say everything we ever needed to know about life we learned in Kindergarten. Sometimes I get so caught up in the mundane things in life I forget about what is important. Money comes and goes. Things happen in unexpected ways that we can't always predict... but no matter how bad things have ever gotten in my life I have never drowned. It has never killed me. Sure I have some hellacious scars to show for my travels, but nothing fatal.

I have been so stressed out about what might happen, what could happen, that I have been unable to appreciate what I have now. I live in the most beautiful state I've ever been in. I have a roof over my head in an area I can walk around in at night and have few worries about anything bad happening to me. I have love in my life and the best kitty a girl could ever want. I have people in my life that love me no matter what kinds of stupid things I do, say or think. I am rich in my own way and homeless or not, those riches aren't about money so I can keep them always.

I am feeling a lot better about things... No matter what happens with my job I will take it as part of my path that I need to walk on in order to get to a better place. I have always gotten to a better place.

Vicki told me once when she had a nice house full of expensive furniture, a truck, a motorcycle and a good paying job, she was driving home from work and saw a couple on the side of the road. They were homeless and she thought they were richer than she was. Some food for thought.

So did the Universe answer me? Maybe. Shortly after my chat with them I got an email which I will share with you.

But Bennu, what if you did have the power, the reach, and the glory?

What if you were given dominion over all things?

And what if eternity lay before you, brimming with love, friends, and laughter?

Yet still, one day, in all your radiance, bubbling over with giddy excitement, you tripped, fell, and got hurt - really hurt.

Would you give up on all of your dreams? Would you hate yourself? Would you forget life's magic and promise?

Or would you shrug it off, look ahead, and exclaim that it's "just a flesh wound"?
Touché,
The Universe

I'd say that was some good timing... and with that I think I'm going to walk downtown and see if there's a nice restaurant I can go to dinner with my best friend and love.

My apartment is very green. They offer many large recycle bins for stuff and we don't have to sort it. If it has a recycle symbol on it, we recycle it. My work isn't as good but almost. They use recycled paper and have lots of trash cans for paper and soda cans. They also use a lot of organic food so that's probably green in its own way.

Answer these questions in a clever way using ONLY the songs from ONE song Artist!!!
(example: use all songs by Elvis, or Perry Como, etc. etc.)


1. Are you a male or female?: "Joyful Girl"

2. Describe yourself: "Willing To Fight"

3. How do you feel about yourself?: "Born a Lion"

4. Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend: "Not So Soft"

5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: "Gratitude"

6. Your Current Location: "Promised Land"

7. Describe where you want to be: "Garden of Simple"

8. Your best friends are: "Out of Range"

9. Your favorite color is: "Educated Guess"

10. You know that: "Don't Nobody Know"

11. What’s the weather like: "Raincheck"
12. If your life was a television show, it would be called: "Evolve"

13. What is life to you: "Reckoning"

14. What is the best advice you have to give: "Face Up and Sing"

15. If you could change your name what would it be?: "Minerva"

You get a bonus imaginary million dollars if you guess who the artist is.

If I could have any wish I'm going to think big. How about winning the lottery so I can live where I want, pay off debts and go back to school to teach. Also it would allow me to travel.

I have a land line only because the cable company I use requires it for verification if we call for tech support. We rarely answer it however because usually it's a recorded message from a debt collector from when the number belonged to someone else. I am boggled as to why companies think someone running from debt would actually call them back to pay it.

Um choose to leave one less set of footprints on the planet by not having kids

As I wrote recently I have lived in 35 cities so I have a wide variety of places to choose from. My favorite city, in the past, as been Austin, TX. I visited Santa Fe, NM and that was the first place I felt I was "home". I was very set on moving there but ended up moving here instead. Seattle is a freaking awesome city. I haven't experienced it a whole lot but I think it will top Santa Fe. It's gorgeous and has tons of culture and diversity. I love how people care about the environment and I can be out as a lesbian and no one cares.

Yes my last relationship was like that. She claimed it was my heart that drew her in. She also wanted someone who would be dominating. I think her intentions were good but she know herself well enough to realize that she couldn't handle someone with a dominant personality and we were in constant power struggles. I have always had a philosophy to see the good in people and tend to gloss over red flags, thinking it's just temporary. It just so happened that her dominance was stronger than mine and in an effort to remain open with my heart I allowed myself to be dominated in a way that was crushing my spirit. My love for debate and winning arguments has gone by the wayside as I am too tired in my soul to carry it for very long. Hers was not that way and she found different ways to keep me down and punishing me for pushing her to talk about what was bothering her.

I have decided not to include every word of the rest of my autobiography because it is already getting so long but I may post portions of it.

Thank you K for inspiring me to finally start writing. I've been planning it for years but finally just decided to commit to it.

Okay we will start with small number and go big. First I have lived in 7 states, 15 cities, and have moved 35 times. I had to make a list to get the count right. There are probably a few moves that I forgot about. Yes, I was quite the gypsy and restless soul but I think I at least finally got the state right. I won't live in my apartment forever though.

States are as follows:
Idaho to Utah
Utah to Oklahoma
Oklahoma to Texas
Texas to Utah
Utah to Texas
Texas to Oklahoma
Oklahoma to Kansas
Kansas to Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico to Washington State

Cities and moves are as follows:
1. Idaho Falls, ID to apt in Sugar House, UT
2. Sugar House, UT to rental house in Sugar House, UT
3. Sugar House rental to house in Kearns, UT
4. Kearns, UT to West Jordan, UT
5. West Jordan, UT to South Carolina
6. South Carolina to San Antonio, TX
7. San Antonio, TX back to West Jordan, UT
8. West Jordan, UT to Logan UT
9. Logan, UT apt 1 to Logan, UT, apt 2
10. Logan, UT, apt 2 to Logan, UT, house
11. Logan, UT house to couch surfing, house in SLC
12. couch in SLC to apt in SLC, UT
13. SLC, UT apt to Rose Park, UT
14. Rose Park, UT back to West Jordan, UT
15. West Jordan, UT to SLC, UT apt
16. SLC, UT apt to SLC, UT house
17. SLC, UT house to SLC, UT apt 1
18. SLC, UT apt 1 to SLC, UT apt 2
19. SLC, apt 2 to couch surving in SLC, UT house
20. SLC house to Oklahoma City, OK, apt 1
21. OKC, OK apt 1 to OKC, OK apt 2
22. OKC apt 2 to Houston, TX
23. Houston, TX to Spring, TX
24. Spring, TX to Woodlands, TX
25. Woodlands, TX to friend's house in West Valley, UT
26. West Valley, UT to apt in SLC, UT
27. SLC, UT back to Spring, TX
28. Spring, TX to Austin, TX
29. Austin, TX to OKC, OK
30. OKC, OK to Wichita, KS rental
31. Wichita, KS rental to Wichita, KS house
32. Wichita, KS house 1 to Wichita, KS house 2
33. Wichita, KS house 2 to Puerto Rico
34. Puerto Rico to Redmond, WA
35. Redmond, WA to Bellevue, WA

I've had chicken feet at a chinese restaurant but not sure if that's the weirdest. I've eaten freeze dried grubs and a deep fried shrimp head with eye balls, whiskers and legs still attached. Snails are child's play.

Wow I have thrown caution to the winds most of my life. The last time... Um maybe it was having my new gf move in and support her while she looked for a job and trust that she would find one. I don't regret it. She's been awesome. I almost never regret anything... Moving to Puerto Rico to be with someone I met over the internet is still up for debate. I'm trying to decide what good things I got that I would have had to go through that for in order to get... if that makes any sense. I mean that's kind of how I ended up in Washington. I got so desperate to escape that I was able to get a one way ticket to anywhere and I picked Washington because I felt it went best with my personality, had no previous memories there and it was highly recommended by someone I respect very much. Perhaps that was the only way the Universe could get me here. I'm still reeling a bit from that one... Perhaps in another couple of years I will see the bigger picture as to how it really brought me to a better place.

Yes I met the Indigo Girls in Santa Fe, NM a few years back. Jason and I were vacationing there and saw a flyer in a restaurant that they were going to be there in concert in a few days. We called to see if there were any tickets left and they had only 2 pairs. They were super expensive VIP tickets but we were like hey, it's just money, we'll make more. Little did we know that not only did that mean we got kick ass seats but we got to go to a party after the show that had free food and drinks and got to mingle with the Indigo Girls! Sweet!

I usually doodle.